Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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