OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize