we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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