C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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