Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
