Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Less talking, more tequila
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
