I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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