i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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