come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
