VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
