we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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