I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize