ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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