Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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