can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
