This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
