Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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