i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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