fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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