Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize