i dont even know how to be here
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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