im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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