smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
