I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
