Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
