Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
