So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
