I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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