Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
