where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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