Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
