420 ftw
i think i have two assholes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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