marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
