That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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