WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
