I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
