remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
