you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
