Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
this is an emotional support booty call
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
