I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
