I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
