Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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