shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize