Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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