can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
