The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
