do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
