She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize