Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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