There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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