Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
