it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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