my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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