Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
