Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
