Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
