Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
