dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
