I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
