So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize