Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think i have two assholes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
