Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
