how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
