I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
