it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's never too late to be topless.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
