hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
