I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy sore nipples Batman
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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