Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
