Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
