The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
