she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
